Embracing Failure: A Journey to Authenticity and Self-Discovery
Always being on. Let me tell you. It. is. Exhausting. It overwhelms my nervous system. It creates anxiety. I feel like I could keel over at any moment.
And then I do. Keel over that is.
And I remind myself that I could’ve stopped this cycle.
This is what keeling over looks like for me: My shoulders hunch over, an acrid taste of disappointment and failure on my tongue, heaviness in my chest, and I feel overwhelmed with the idea that I am not enough unless I accomplish the goal perfectly.
There’s so much angst that goes into this way of thinking and that’s why I’ve made it a goal of mine to no longer go down this rabbit hole of self-deprecation. If I find myself moving into this pattern of thinking I try to:
Acknowledge my thoughts/feelings
Look at them with curiosity
Recognize that even though they are there, it doesn’t mean they are true.
And then I speak to myself compassionately. I breathe, hold myself tenderly, and remind that small part of me that wants approval, to take a breath. That it’s okay to fail. That I can try again.
Failure is going to happen. It's inevitable. The trick to failure is figuring out what you learned and having energy to spur you into making the change that you desire. Then with enough tries, enough dialogue with yourself, you begin to see the outcome that you intended all along. If you don't try you've already failed. That's not enough for me. There's nothing safe about trying. Sometimes when I try, I succeed. Sometimes when I try I fail.
It's what I learn about myself in the process that gives me the greatest fulfillment. The knowledge and that fulfillment are what light me up. They carry me through the difficult places. They take the difficulty and turn it into my reason, and most importantly, into my why.
What is your why? Is there a call to action that you’ve been avoiding out of fear of failure?
Maybe for you it’s the opposite. Maybe you have a fear of being successful, or the inherent belief that you aren't worthy. Maybe it’s the idea you have to prove and earn your worth everyday.
The truth is, your worth is innate. It doesn’t matter how many things you do well, how many things you make a mistake with, or how many people like you. Your worth is beyond all of those things. Stop looking to them and start looking within.
Life happens, and sometimes we drop the ball, we fail, we fuck up, and yet, we still have the ability to learn, adapt, grow, and move forward. You get to decide whether or not you take the chance to allow your fear of failure or success to motivate you towards growth or paralyze you into stagnation.
