Empowering Anxiety Therapy: Coping Skills That Create More Peace & Connection
Anxiety’s a real bitch, am I right?
We all know that anxiety is miserable to deal with at times, and it can show up differently for countless individuals. A lot of my anxiety presents as avoidant. This relates to how I grew up and the dynamic within my family. People pleasing, surviving, and staying busy were how we handled things, and at the time, I didn’t know there was another way.
The truth is, I come from a family of avoiders.
What about you?
Have you noticed a pattern in your own family?
Anxiety is something that a lot of us struggle with. Therapy is a tool that empowers us to navigate anxiety in a healthier way. In this article, we’ll discuss how therapy can improve anxiety symptoms and create more peace day to day. We’ll sleep better. We’ll connect better, and most of all, we’ll live fuller lives.
Understanding Anxiety: The Struggle is Real
The American Psychological Association defines anxiety as “an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts and physical changes like increased blood pressure.” Brené Brown in her book, Atlas of the Heart (2021), describes anxiety for herself personally, saying, “anxiety feels like what I lovingly call the Willy Wonka shit tunnel. Escalating loss of control, worst-case scenario thinking and imagery, and total uncertainty.”
Anxiety: Genetics & Nurture v. Nature
Women are predisposed for anxiety. Yes, men can certainly have anxiety as well; however, women are more likely to be diagnosed with anxiety disorders. The ADAA says (Anxiety & Depression Association of America): “From the time a girl reaches puberty until about the age of 50, she is twice as likely to have an anxiety disorder as a man. Anxiety disorders also occur earlier in women than in men. Women are also more likely to have multiple psychiatric disorders during their lifetime than men. The most common to co-occur with anxiety is depression. Differences in brain chemistry may account for at least part of these differences.”
When a person’s main caregiver has anxiety and operates from that place, their children are more likely to adopt or model those same traits. When anxiety occurs in childhood and it is not addressed, that pattern can follow the child into their adult life.
Anxiety: The Brain and the Body
How does anxiety relate to the body?
Our emotions are stored in the amygdala. When something in our environment occurs, our body’s nervous system sends a signal to our brain saying, “Can I trust this? What’s happening?” If we perceive whatever’s occurring as a trigger then our fight or flight response, or what’s known as our sympathetic nervous system, kicks in. We feel mobilized; the adrenaline is flooding our system and giving us the energy needed in order to fight or run away. Another factor to consider is that the frontal lobe, or what is known as the home of executive functioning, shuts off temporarily. All the focus goes to the primitive part of the brain, around the brain stem.
An example of how this might work is when women are body shamed: by men, by society, by other women, etc. and this leads them to internalize those thoughts and opinions. When the fight or flight response turns on they are no longer able to look at things objectively and can go down a rabbit hole of catastrophizing, overthinking, and shame about their bodies.
Anxiety has always been something that has me tightly wound. My jaw is tense, my back muscles bunch up, and my head aches. Learning to let go has eased my anxiety, and it’s also given me permission to let my body do its thing. When I can look at myself with more tenderness, I care less how other people view me, and it creates space in my head to allow my inner critic to pause and my curiosity to come alive.
Anxiety and How it Plays Out In Relationships
How has anxiety impacted your relationships up to this point? Human beings are social creatures. We model what we see. The people that we spend the most time with have the greatest influence over us. Anxiety can often be very other focused. For example, people that are more anxious can spend a lot of their time worrying about how other people perceive them, or fear that they won’t live up to others’ expectations.
Here’s a trade secret.
We all worry about what others think of us.
Even therapists.
Sometimes we feel like frauds or imposters.
Some of us have gotten better at hiding it than others, but the truth is, we all worry.
And that’s okay.
What isn’t okay is to let that anxiety influence our behavior.
Anxiety showing up in your thoughts doesn’t mean it has to change your behavior. Look at how helpful or relevant a thought is, and then decide what to do with it.
Something else to think about. When was the last time that you acknowledged that it’s okay to worry about what other people think of you? Remember, it’s okay to have that worry.
Sometimes things have a hold on us and because we don’t acknowledge them we end up avoiding the issue. This can lead to a host of unhealthy coping skills or defenses like denial, suppression, resentment, etc.
In therapy, I look for patterns that my clients have. When the pattern becomes more noticeable, I address it, and it leads to healthier thought patterns and a healthier state of being for them.
Women & Their Relationship with Anxiety
In the brain and the body section of this article, I brought up women and body shame. I would like to explore other subjects in relation to women and anxiety as well.
Here are other examples that come to mind:
Being a mother
Women in the workplace
Women of color
Caretaking
Being a mother is a gift. It’s also a choice, and women are entitled to make whatever choice they want to in this area. Society can sometimes put additional pressure on a female in regards to this and it has the potential to create anxiety.
In “Number of Women in Workforce Reaches Historic High” Kathy Gurchiek states: “The proportion of women ages 25 to 54 who are employed or actively seeking work hit 77.5 percent in April—the highest level since the federal government began tracking labor-force participation in the 1940s.”
From a young age, women are often taught to equate their self-worth with how productive they are. This, coupled with the pressure or an internalized message of ‘If you want something done right you gotta do it yourself’ can create unhealthy levels of anxiety.
In her article “To Be Female, Anxious, & Black,” Angela Neal-Barnett, PhD, states “anxiety disorders are the most common mental health disorder in the United States. Data show that for Black women, anxiety is more chronic and the symptoms more intense than their White counterparts.”
It’s hard to imagine what a woman of color goes through in a day simply to survive. In order for that to change, the systems and oppression that are in place need to continue to be challenged.
Females are often taught to caretake to the detriment of themselves. The to-do list is so long that a person rarely takes time to invest in activities that they want to do.
I wonder, when was the last time that you did something for yourself, just because you wanted to?
The Power of Coping Skills in Anxiety Therapy
Coping skills are the heart and soul of anxiety therapy. These are tools and techniques that allow you to better explore and manage anxiety triggers.
1. Mindfulness Meditation: Focusing on the Now
Meditation allows us to work towards being present in the moment. Anxiety can have us fearing the future or over-analyzying what’s happened in the past. This can be extremely debilitating on our nervous system. Constant struggle or fear of the unknown can send our fight or flight response into overdrive. Meditation leads to self-awareness as it helps you look at your thoughts in a nonjudgmental way and break the repetitive worry cycle.
2. Deep Breathing Techniques: Calming the Nervous System
Deep breathing encourages more connection to the body by activating our body’s relaxation response. When you consistently utilize deep breathing, you can often turn on a relaxation response, also known as the parasympathetic response. This leads to reduced stress and more periods of calm in your day to day life.
3. Cognitive Restructuring: Rewriting Thought Patterns
Thinking plays a significant role in anxiety. Recognizing an unhelpful thought is the first step in changing a thought or behavior. Writing is a good way to begin understanding your thought process. For some, it is helpful to write when they are in an emotional state. This can help explore a lot of subconscious or deep internal beliefs they hold. Remember, this isn’t about judging yourself, but rather giving you a place to take a look at your feelings/thoughts in a safe manner.
Also, it’s important to understand it’s unrealistic to go instantly from negative to positive in your thinking, so begin by turning the negative thought into a neutral thought. For example, “Life is unbearable” becomes “There are some unbearable moments in life.”
4. Self-Compassion Practice: Nurturing Inner Kindness
Anxiety can lead to developing an inner critic (or vice versa), which lowers your self-esteem/self-worth. Self-compassion is a tool that allows you to treat yourself in an understanding way, like you would a friend.
Cultivating more self-compassion and self-acceptance leads to more genuine connections in your life.
5. Sleep: The Value of Rest
An average adult needs 7-9 hours of sleep. Women actually need more sleep. Yes, more. In “Do Women Need More Sleep Than Men?” Danielle Pacheco states,“There are a number of reasons why women may need more sleep than men. Women are 40% more likely to have insomnia than men. Women are also nearly twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety and depression, two conditions strongly associated with insomnia. Hormones may be another reason for differing sleep needs. The sleep-wake cycle is ruled by hormones.”
Getting enough sleep is vitally important to our brain and body. Have you ever not gotten enough sleep? I’m sure you have. When I don’t get enough rest, I often struggle the next day. I’m moody, irritable, less focused, and typically need more caffeine. As a solopreneur, I’m often overwhelmed with the to-do list that is always in play.
In “Can A Good Night's Sleep Make Us More Productive?” Wendy Wisner states, “Contrary to popular belief, sleeping less doesn’t mean you’ll get more done. In fact, studies have found that people who sleep five to six hours a night are 19% less productive than people who sleep seven to eight hours a night. Catching less than five hours a night bumps your productivity down by 29%.”
The Ripple Effect: Peace and Connection
As you integrate coping skills into your life, remarkable transformation can happen. Imagine feeling a sense of empowerment rather than anxiety and overwhelm!
These are some benefits of developing healthy coping skills for anxiety:
1. Greater connection and growth in your relationships: By managing anxiety, you become more present and attentive. You are able to engage in conversations, empathize with others, and form deeper emotional bonds.
2. Greater professional growth: Anxiety therapy equips you with tools to manage stress in your career. With improved focus and reduced anxiety, you can make more confident decisions and achieve the goals that you want.
3. Overall well-being: Better sleep, less tension in your body, and a higher sense of belonging occur when you become more attuned to yourself and what you need.
4. Creativity: When anxiety is reduced, it becomes easier to tap into your subconscious, where innovation and creativity lie.
5. Less Analysis Paralysis: As you can imagine, anxiety can lead to constantly worrying about making the “perfect” decision. Obsessing over the fear of making a mistake can often paralyze someone, leading them to overthink the situation. When anxiety becomes more manageable, decision making is not as stressful. You can feel more confident in your decisions, even when they aren’t perfect, because you aren’t driven by a paralyzing fear of failure.
Embarking on the Journey
Embarking on a journey of managing anxiety through therapy requires vulnerability and perseverance.
Therapy can be valuable and a way to be deeply seen and understood, while also being fucking scary. I would be honored to be a part of your healing process. Leaning into therapy, with a therapist that is right for you, can create healthy changes and a better quality of life.
Check out my website today to book a free consult call with me. I can’t wait to hear from you!
